Self pain and punishment

Yes, it's official. I've been trying to kill time, processor clocks, and me in trying to compile a linux system from, ... well ..., scratch. And yes, it's a pain. First of all, i had to make a bootable medium, that meaning a bootable cd, from where to install the GCC/Glib/BinUtils and Kernel onto the newly created system.

That being resolved, i had to go on in trying to make it bootable. Nontheless, failed, and i had to take the three day process, again, from zero, because of one typo. Damn, damn, damn ... I had alternatives like Gentoo Linux, but life wouldn't have been so beautifull if i took the easy way.

Most of you will wonder from where i got my ambition, since the last posts, i was crying about my love, love in general and love life, nothing technical, etc. Well, to be honest, i have a stable relationship, i hope to keep it that way, so i can now spend more time with me, myself and I, in front of a BSD/Linux console, in hope that the world is going to die.

For now, it's just me, myself, this blog post and Enigma - The Dream of The Dolphin. "Remember the shaman, when he used to say ... man, is the dream of the dolphin." as in "look into your heart my friend, and there you'll find the return to innocence".

To digest ...

I'm happy, mostly because Xclusiv Hosting Romania has given it's word on giving my team of editors one small, hosting account, so we can develop the future Gamer's Digest.com which will be one hell of a general IT magazine, like few were in history.

Well, i may be exagerating, but behind the future magazine, there are going to be editors, young ones, with a little more than enthuziasm, with a little more knowledge on how IT works, and maybe you're going, in time, to love them ...

So, with a pint of Coke in my right, preparing my soul for the next generation of entertainment - i'm going to relax, be happy, and try to organize those ideeas that we will put in the future Gamer'S Digest.com. Wish us luck. Thanks!

We only die once ...

Our national poet, Mihai Eminescu once had an ideea, that people are born to die, and die to be reborn again. It may sound boring, but there's no person on Earth that can escape death. There was a guy, about 2000 years ago, but that's another story.

I must be honest, I hate death. I really don't have something personal against it, just that it's taken my loved ones from me. And i know, she is subordonated to god, but really ... If there was a way to escape it forever, than that way must have been mine.

One drop of tear

Once in an year, on 14th of February, a special day comes in our hearts. It's a magical moment, of love that's true or love that's not, and where friendships are made, and friendships are broken, hearts joy or cry, angels sing or die.

The last ones, the ones that cry their lonlyness, they need our tears. They should disserve our love, on this special day, as true love we give to our partener. That's why my dear, i'm giving you my tears, on a leaf of flower, under the rain's shower.

I'm a tree ...

There are times when I think, if i'm really the center of the Earth. If everything grows and evolves arround me. There are times, then i think that the univers, life, and all arround me, depend on me. And that's when i give my best, and try to never let anybody down.

I'm like a tree, growing strong in an ocean of yellow grain. And i grow big, green, and strong, while the world arround me grows yellow, brown and black, and everything dissapears. And that's when i feel alone, alone in the light, and where my shadow is my only companion.

She's immortal

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

For Alexandra. And someone could ask me, "why?". I don't know. It may be me, the fact that i'm depressed, the fact the i love her, the fright that I may loose her, like I have lost all of loved ones in the past.

I cryed. I'm a boy, and that's a shame. Never in my life have i had the need to listen these verses, once and once again, and to cry like the world's going to end.

So how it happened. Really, I don't even known. I was angry, cause i made a mistake. I was angry at Alexandra for no reason, just because some idiot girl had to make me angry in the first place.

I made a mistake to freak-out on my sweet kitty. And i was angry. Mostly because i'm an idiot, mostly because the word is as it is. Mostly because besides her and me, the world is full of neatherdals, that eat each other for breakfast.

So, after Alexandra left me alone, letting me to calm down [10x baby, needed that] - i wanted to throw all my anger in Enigma. I don't know how it happened, but it did:

1. Enigma - Return To Innocence
2. Evanescence - My Immortal.

Two voices of great value, two queens of music, too true to be real. At the end of My Immortal, thinking of Her, i started crying. Really now, i had loved ones, i loved them, i never cryed for nobody. Now i'm afraid that She's going, like all of my loved ones to leave me, like they all did.

I don't want that to happen. I believe in love, and i believe in true love. And God damn it, as Valentine's get's closer and closer, than i must admited, "I (True) Love That Girl, and i really do!". She's the first one i've cryed for, she'll be the last.

And now?! A sweet, Quake playing girl, a chill-out queen of music, Enigma, and Evanescence's immortal voice got the best of me. It's a shame, a boy, crying. The saddest image on Earth maybe!

Thanks kitty for being near me! You made my suffering end. If i could take my soul and give it yours, then i would. Really, i didn't want this to end as one, but take it as my gift. I haven't the power to give you anything other than my words, my soul, my life. Take'em they're yours!

Until we meet again, at a river's end, with a pint of beer, kiss you my dear ... (smileyface)

Electro Shock

Sometimes i get angry. That's when my mind blows away. Massive interconnections between neurons burn. My mind get's an electro-shock, and then, white in front of my eyes.

In a nebula of dreams, desires, whishes and ideeas i'm reborn. Slowly, it all comes togheter, it all makes one sense. We all live for a purpose, to die and be reborn again.

A drop of rain, one hope to die

There are times in my life when i have to cry. And i do it, loud, for all to hear. And they fall on earth, and they water love, and hope. They're my heart, they give me beat, they are the only reason i live.

I wish i was a drop of rain, and insignificant sphere of water in the vast glory of tears. I wish i had the power to give birth and life to all. Look into your heart my friend, and there you'll find the road back to innocence.

Finally vacation is here

Finally, vacation is here. I’m going to go back to Ro.Wikipedia to finish my mini-project related to all the FIDE chess-champions starting with Wilhelm Steinitz, the first ever world-chess-champion.

It’s going to be hard work, but I really think that I’m up to the job. I should be relaxing, or getting back on my reading, but some good, old history isn’t going to hurt anyone.

I’ve seen some documentation, well, a pack-full of history books, on some, I don’t know if legal sites and I’m really into it on downloading it. I’ll think a little first, and for my readers, I may seem weird, but I really don’t want any pirated stuff in my computer, including books.

And, by the way, I managed to get myself the complete discographies  of 42, rock-chill-out artists, at the cost of 5772 tracks, 479 albums. What can I say, if I like collecting stuff, this time, music.

The last days, when I got a some free time for school, I’ve managed to organize my collection of books, the most, in English, and really, I hope, God help me, to have a little time to read them soon. I want and need it.

I thinks of starting to maintain some kind of zero-day blog, keeping my readers up to date, with all the crap in the IT world, and for this, I may be moving to another host. I hate leaving Blogger, it’s been the best buddy I had in the past years.

As life stinks ...

Well, I haven’t blogged in a long time now, mainly because of time. I have less and less time. Well, I must, at least try to make blogging one of my habits, so I can maintain a steady, day to day release of info for my readers.

In the meantime, I could improve my math grades. I really haven’t been that good at math, and really, must get back at it. It’s so obvious, at physics, I’m the top student in the classroom.

I hate it. I can’t get back on reading, I can’t get back on my usual hobbies, as I’m pure and simple, pounded by work from every possible sphere of occupation. And yes, my girlfriend kills me daily, she’s suffocating me. Well, I must admit, I like it.

I’m tired, destroyed, and hope I have the energy for tomorrow …

Working out Hell ...

I’ve been working like hell back at Wikipedia, for no obvious reason, just the pleasure to participate in an on-going, happy, enthusiastic project started by Jimbo Wales.

I can tell you that for once, I envy this person, for once, that I wanted to do that when I grew up, but maybe life has something else installed for me, who knows what, I only hope it’s something I like.

I’m dedicating tomorrow to my studies. I’ve been a bit lazy, and my grades show it, so it’s time to get back on my feet, and prove the world that she’s wrong, I’m right, and there’s no other way around. God, please, just give me the power to do it …

About my 2000 and six

Well, I really haven’t anything to comment on it. I really hope 2006 will be an year of accomplishments, rather than anything else, accomplishments in all domains, be it love, professional, school/culture etc.

I’ve been with “The Guys” today, to do the last part of our “New Year” shopping list, and to help out with the baggage, which indeed, was heavy. There be it, we should be about ten, or more people, hungry and thirsty ones.

By the way. I’ve invited a buddy of mine, a girl, that wanted to, the past few weeks, to join me in the New Year’s Eve. Well, I asked the guys today, if she could come, and they said yes, so I announced her of the good news.

Guess what happens next. She says she isn’t coming, because she won’t come without her sister. Now she tells me. Well, I had plans if she came, but now, there all just a dream. I wanted to get drunk, now I can’t. Hey, thanks a lot Andrada …

I’m thinking of working on my own, professional, self-hosted blog. I need to find a host, or someone to help me with this, for free, until, maybe, I can pull some money out of this hobby. It’s not my intention in any case, I just need to sustain myself somehow … Well, finally, Happy New Year, my dear readers. Hope the best of luck comes to your house, rather than mine!

I, Robot and the book

I like it when stupid people to stupid stuff, just to impress others. The creators of the “I, Robot” movie aren’t an exception from this forsaken rule. When putting the movie, and the Isaac Asimov’s book, head to head, you will be amazed, they are totally different.

I just stood aimed at the book, and the I, Robot poster. The I, Robot poster says clearly “based on the famous book”. Well, I’ve read the 101 page book, translated in Romanian, and there’s no mention of an infamous policeman, and no mention of Sony.

The two, funny characters from the book, Mike Donovan and Greg Powell, aren’t present in the movie. I’ve read the book, and in comparison with the movie, the book is greater, funnier, more entertaining.

The only one, Langdon, and Susan Calvin, are present in the movie. Well, there’s a starting point. And from here, the book, and movie go into separate ways, totally separate.

I laughed a lot more, when reading Mike and Greg’s adventure on Mercury, where the temperature is somewhat 400 degrees Celsius, after the finished the mission, they anticipated their next one, a mission on an inter-stellar station. Greg finished the story with a phrase that I won’t forget for some time now:

“ – Minus 273 degrees. It must be smashing!”. Isn’t if funny?! And yes, Asimov, on making SF stories, is an artists. I’ve read his “Nine Tomorrows” volume, and was deeply impressed about the ideas and concepts that Asimov had put into one of his best novels “Eyes do more than see”.

The title says it all in my opinion. Interesting to read, even for entertainment, and I recommend it to all of my readers. Most of them maybe “tehno-maniacs”, and Asimov’s stories can be a good entertainment, for nuts like them …

The Wikipedia ...

Wikipedia

Creăm o enciclopedie liberă în peste o sută de limbi, care poate fi modificată chiar de dvs.! Descoperiţi cele 15,696 de articole ale versiunii în română,
folosind motorul de căutare din stânga sau legăturile din dreapta. Şi,
dacă vă place Wikipedia şi credeţi că merită efortul, alăturaţi-vă nouă
şi colaboraţi!

If you say so ... In other words, the Romanian Wikipedia has gone a long way since I used to help arroun there. I have to admit it, i'm still an administrator there, still working in my spare time, when I'm not to lazy to do it.

The Romanian Wikipedia is getting really close to 20.000 articles, and my God, do I love it. We really can't be so crazzy to compete with the English Wiki, but, with a lot of work, why not ... We should show others, that us, romanians, are smart people.

Going Folklore ...

Damn. If there is a time to party with friends and family, than maybe the first day of Christmas is the perfect one to do it. Me and my parents had a bunch of guests invited today. Contrary to popular belief, we had a great time.

I was the DJ, and I had to entertain these people with some pure, Romanian, folk music. It was a blast. For seven hours, they danced the hell out of them. Yep! I’m happy to be such a good “exorcist” …

Tomorrow I’m going to rest. I don’t really know what I’m going to do. Maybe listen to Chill-Out all day, to get folk music out of my head, or maybe go visit some friends. I really don’t know now.

For me, this is only the beginning. At the New Year’s Eve I have to entertain some of my friends from the old newsroom, back at “DotCommunist” and DeveloperZone, Romania. I really hope I’m going to survive. Happy X-mas to all of my readers …    

My Soul ...

Only hate is in my heart
Everything’s so cold and dark
And I stay alone and cry
I hope you will fucking die
I pray one day you will see
The demon that lies in me

The original text was published by a dear friend of mine, one of my best friends, that goes by the nickname “Ocean Soul”. A teenage writer, a girl, that got the inspiration concentrate, in just 6 phrases, what others would have done in pages.

As in modern poetry, there is that need to go over the boundaries of morality, and use those vulgar words, that we don’t see in literature, but use them on a constant basis. I can’t say that she’s guilty of anything, of using such words, but I can say that she has found the courage to do it.

It takes a writer, being it a novel writer, a poet, philosopher or anything else, some nerves to get the truth out of the world, and bring it on paper. She did it, in only 6 phrases.

First was the word ...

To be honest, I got the idea of starting a blog, after seeing some of my friends do it, and I got the name, from a [in my opinion] good movie, “The Exorcism of Emily Rose” – which really marked me, as a human, believer in God.

In some kind of weird brainstorm, I got the idea of combining “Exorcism” with “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly”. You might tell that I’m ugly. I’ll leave that for other people to appreciate it.

And I got this. “The 666”, also known as “The Good, The Bad and The Exorcist”. What do I have in mind, you could ask about now … Well, nothing and all at the same time. In future I’ll be treating and discussing a variety of stuff, from political, to social, to technological issues that mark our lives.

I’m not a specialist in those domains. I could be in technology, but don’t consider myself that kind of a genius. I will treat those issues from my own point of view, which may, or may not differ from yours. I wish you won’t be angry with me! It’s just my opinion, which you can take for granted or not. These being said, I wish myself the best of luck, and my readers, the best of wishes …